NEWS!!

So good news, Mom got a job yesterday!! She is now a special-ed teacher for pre-k. She had her first day today! She was tuckered out by the little 3-5 year olds. The kids are an integrated mix of high functioning special ed. (like autism, mild retardation, or learning disabled) and your average little munchkins. She taught middle school before, so this is very different. Mom thinks it's refreshing, teaching them before they start to believe that they are stupid, or dumb. A lot less baggage with the little ones. She really enjoys it, and the kids really liked her today. So awesome!
I've been praying that she would want to work again. She needed to recuperate after her back surgery last summer and all the drama from her last teaching assignment. Since she finished her masters I just hoped she find direction. Thanks G!
More good news I start my clinicals next week. School has started and I've had seminar and some training, but the actual in-hospital stuff happens soon. It is so cool! I feel like a dork, but I love reading all this stuff and learning! It's just so exciting.
Probably won't get around to updating much, but will try! No promises.
Still trying to do what my hands find to do with all my might. Not always successful, sometimes the lazyness just creeps in. But better. Still pray alot about my attitude. Instead of whistling while I work, I catch myself grumbling. So I pray, and it works. Can't let a seed of bitterness take root. So... all is well.

A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a
life spent doing nothing. George Bernard Shaw

---

I like this one from Shaw too!

I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation.

Tradition

It's tradition now, that everytime I stay with Nic and Krystal we make Pancakes. These are the homemade kind. They are Martha Stewart's Best Buttermilk Pancakes.
This visit they were kind enough to let me stay in their new apartment even though most of their belongings were still in Arkansas. In fact we cooked all week without the help of a zester, a mixer, a broom, a mallet (for tenderizing) or more than one cutting board. And it was great. We ate like kings all week!
I love when I stay with Nic and Krystal! This time was even more special for two reasons. One: Krystal is finished with residency and has yet to start at her new practice, so I got to see her all day, all the time! Two: They are in Texas!
Krystal and Nic are both laid back, which as a house guest is really relaxing to be around. Last year I nearly ruined their dining room table with nail polish remover and even though I did fix it, they were totally unfazed. I mean I'm a klutz, so when I visit others it sometimes hard not to break things. I was at my sisters and broke one of her bowls the second morning I was there. It's some kind of disorder I think.
So back to the pancakes. We are whipping up the batch when things start to hit the fan. We are making the cakes when I just got up (not early, but I did just get up.) Which any klutzy person will tell you is your peak time for mishaps, that or when you are really tired, or angry, or aren't a peak focus capability.
Anyhoo, the bag of sugar we need is right next to me on top of the refrigerator. So I grab it and drop the bag on the floor. And sugar spills everywhere! And Krystal and I just look at each other. I then say, "I really wish you had a broom." And Krystal breaks out into hysterics, and I do to, seeing as my left foot is almost buried in sugar and there is no broom in the house. Practical thinker that Dr. Castle is she and I take a couple of paper towels and wipe all the sugar to the other side of the kitchen. Nic has said he will go get a broom after breakfast. We continue to make the cakes. Krystal is breaking the last two eggs into a small bowl to whisk. The first is fine, but the second wreaks after she breaks it into the bowl. The egg is rotten! Foiled again. So that's it, we have to go to the store. We need a broom and eggs. Mid pancake construction we run to the store.
Eventually the pancakes are made and eaten with gusto. I did smoke up the apartment a little, but that's to be expected when working on stove tops you are not familiar with, right!? Still we had some great pancakes, great fellowship, and a lot of laughs! What a great tradition: Pancakes and Jeopardy with the Castle's.

Run away!

Today at Jeni's we were gardening in the front yard. As I was watering the newly planted zinnias a tall and attractive man asked me if his dog could have a drink from the water hose. Sure I said. He was cute, tall and we were talking about his ten month old golden- life was sweet. Jen came around the house and saw that we were both fumbling with the hose trying to get the golden to drink. The guy started a bit when he saw Jen, but was still nice. Then Jen said she'd run inside and get a bowl. When she came back out she said "we" (her and Patrick) have a lab out back and started talking about their dogs. He let the dog drink for a minute then started saying thanks and quickly pulling away. Jen and I looked at each other confusedly. He stood at the end of his dog's tether impatiently, not making eye contact like before. As soon as the pooch's thirst was slaked he turned and walked speedily away. I put my head down and started watering again wondering what I did to turn him off. Jen came back out and said that she was sorry that she had come around and scared him off. Why would Jen scare him off I thought? I mean little Jen, scare off my big good looking dog walker, come on. We reviewed what had happened and Jen realized that he had started to turn tail as soon as she had said "we have a lab out back..." He thought we were a lesbian couple. I turned and yelled down the street, "Come back, I'm not gay!" He was long gone by this time of course. The times we live in!! Probably half an hour later we saw a woman dog-walker and I raised my voice asking, "have you seen a guy with a dog running from lesbians?" She was a distance away, so she just looked at me curiously unsure If I had been addressing her. Laughter flowed freely.
Later Patrick, Jen and I lay in their beautiful yard, laughing, as passers-by stared from car windows. We were evidently deranged for laying in the yard. I mean we all know the front yard is not to be enjoyed. Oh, no. You manicure it, look at it from the other side of windows, and use the cutting of it as a form of one-ups-man-ship between neighbors. Well, not today. Today we were giddy, young and happy. We ran through the sprinklers. We lay in the grass, got bit by ant and mosquito alike. We enjoyed the fruits of our sweat and sprinkling. We drank from the cup of friendship, passing the bread of conversation, all under the branches of a broken ash.

Girlfriends!

Kristy, Jeni and I were together again! I can't describe the vastness of what was spoken or put to paper the depth of the words, but I can tell you it was beautiful. We were girls and we were women. We didn't have to explain where we had come from or justify our emotions. We didn't have to establish who we are and what our hearts look like. We laughed at old jokes and new ones. We were three girls who have become women, and who will always be girlfriends.

God blessed each of us with each other. Each of us so different yet so masterfully placed together, giving us the courage to love and trust one another. I am so proud to be counted in the lives of these beautiful women.

Done

I'm done waiting. I'm done making calls and hoping that I'll get a call back. I am done allowing myself to be hurt or feel lesser.
I thought it would hurt to take this step. It seems that my pride, not my heart, has taken the biggest kicking. I thank God that he has allowed me to take this step, and that he allowed the hurt to subside. I don't even miss it. I feel a little drained and vulnerable, but not pained. I stood up for me, and the little barbs to my heart have stopped.

Don't Acronym Me!

Today we went with our neighbors to a different church. The preacher there is good. However, today he beat around the bush a little and he called Absalom a nut job. Overall, the simple message he was trying to deliver. The T-S-C of what to do when the bottom falls out, was lost in his ramblings, rantings and just running all over the place. I have never, and I repeat never been a fan of acronym sermons! Even so, here was a simple and beautiful sermon, you just had to pan for the nuggets in the muck.
You may know that I am very, very fond of Absalom. So of course I did start to huff a little when the pastor painted Absalom with the wide brush strokes of villainy. Calling him a nut job... I mean, come on.
Is it really necessary to cast the characters opposite David as villains to cement David as the hero? We love David, but wasn't he just a man like you and I? Truth be known, prior to Absalom's coup was the most ineffective period of David's reign. His people were dissatisfied, the King was not wrecking out justice and he was not taking an active role in his kingdom. He hadn't even punished his eldest son, Amnon, for the rape of Absalom's sister, Tamar (David's daughter, and Amnon's half-sister). So in reality wasn't Absalom, just a hurt child lashing out at his impotent Father? Haven't we all felt that? Haven't we all tried to usurp authority in our lives? Are we nut jobs, too? Okay, I'm getting a little preachy.
I sense that I am becoming an adult. Because, instead of totally shutting down and focusing only on the above, I was able to garner wisdom among the chaff. During Absalom's attempt to overthrow his father, David wrote the 63rd Psalm. The Psalm was the crux of this sermon. I came away from this sermon knowing, when the bottom falls out: T- Think on God, S- Sing His praises and C- Cling to Him.

It made sense.

Psalm 63:6-8
"On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.
Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.
My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me."

Prayer for mom

When I look back on this last year I realize that it's been a rough one. I say "I realize," because its also been a personal pilgrim's progress for my mom and me. I've seen new growth, patience and trust develop. I think the hardest thing a Christian has to do is to wait on God. Patience is a virtue because we must practice it to achieve it. None of us are born patient and in America we are far less patient than elsewhere.
Last year my mom was finally pushed out of her position as a Special Ed. Science teacher by her nasty boss. He had been trying for years to get her to leave after she filed sexual harassment charges against a friend of his. After all the mental and emotional strain, wondering what possible move he would take to make her life harder, he finally got her for her absences. Most of which were due to her bad back and consequent surgery or the panic attacks she suffered as a result of his treatment.
So today, almost a year later she is in a far better place and realizes just some of the wonderful things that God has taught her and the new heights that he has brought her too. Now she wants to work again. She says she couldn't handle teaching full time again but she has applied to be a substitute teacher. And today in about 30 minutes, she will be in an interview where she will have to explain why she was fired from her last position. If she explains to their satisfaction she can start subbing. What this means is that she will have to rehash the whys and hows of one of the toughest episodes of the last three years. She will also have to do it in a way that makes sense and that shows that she is competent as a teacher. So I have texted all my prayer warriors and asked them to pray for her and this interview. I trust that God has prepared a way for her. Yet the more voices I know are ascending to the heavens in her stead, the more confidence I have in the men and women judging my mother here on earth. So please add yours to the chorus.

Father God, please make a way.
Cause light, illumination and understanding

to shine around my mother.
Speak through her the words that you have

ordained her to say.
Allow the minds and hearts of those sitting in

judgement of her to be open, merciful and understanding.
Let us face the future you have for us with hope and trust.
Father, give us peace.

Father please be with my mama.
Amen.

"Have you not known?
Have you not heard?
The everlasting God, the Lord,
The Creator of the ends of the earth,
Neither faints nor is weary.
His understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might He increases strength.
Even the youths shall faint and be weary,
And the young men shall utterly fall,
But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint."

-Isaiah 40:28-31

Scared...

I wasn't there yesterday when a friend needed me and now I am scared. Scared that he is not okay, that somehow I let him down. I now that we all make decisions and we are responsible for them, but I know too that the conversation of a good friend can tip the scales. Dear God, please be there as I could not and bring peace to us all. Thank you God for other friends and for you who stand in the gap.

I give up!

So... I am a selfish human being. I like to feel needed, important and someone special to others. Maybe this makes me only human, but right now it makes me want to throw in the towel.
All of my friends love me, I don't doubt this. But truthfully I don't often feel significant to them. Maybe it's being thousands of miles away, I'm not sure. People are sometimes fickle.
I don't know what I do to run them off, but off they run. One said I needed her too much and it was all she could do being needed as a single mom. I understood and thought she just needed some time, but even now our calls are strained. Another said I was too intense and made her feel too much. We were all we had for so long and it hurt tremendously to let go when we moved apart. So now she didn't want to get in deep again. Some don't say anything at all, they just move away and the time and energy it takes to keep in touch isn't worth it. I don't know...
Today it just jumped up at me from a blog page, and I realized I am and never will be anyones best anything.(Okay God, I know I'm your girl... but I mean here on earth nella carne.) I have often felt I will never be any guy's significant other. And today after realizing I was just an unimportant fluffer friend, I got it! If you make yourself vulnerable to people, you love them too much, or you care more then they care, you might just end up alone.
as I am writing I have an epiphany--------------------
I think, in some way, if I accept this I might break through a wall, being able to be a more humble servant of God.
Is that weird? Weird, that I am sitting here coming to grips with something really hard and hurtful, and yet these thoughts that if I just let go I could be someone better pop into my head? These thoughts have allowed me to stop tearing up and breathe deeply.
Would that mean that I am meant to care less? Or could it mean that if I let go I could love and care just as much, only I wouldn't need to look to them for any assurance of my worth? God, I hope so.
God, please let me do that. Let me be a better Danielle. A girl who can stand on her own. A girl who could love from the depths of my being, and not need or expect the love of others in return. Let me break through.

Disclaimer: (Note from my wise mother.) I tend to be hard on myself. Sometimes placing high expectations on myself, and also on the ones I love. I love hard and I am hard to please. It's what makes me what some call an "all or nothin' kinda gal." Hmmm, maybe I should have an epiphany about this too. God? Anything, anything? Maybe this is work that needs to take place on a different day. ;>

50th Birthday!

Today was actually Mom's 50th birthday. She was gone to class when I got up and I am ashamed to say it never dawned on me what day it was when she stopped in before her masters seminar. After she left a neighbor mentioned how he thought her birthday was yesterday and how was it blah, blah. I said no her birthday is actually (pause for thought) TODAY! (I KNOW, I'm awful) So with the ten bucks I had I went and bought a banner and some candles and her favorite fruit tart from the bakery. I hung up the banner and called my sister to see if she had remembered it was Mom's birthday. And of course she had! She had called earlier and sang her happy birthday, which is our usual family practice. I told my sis how I had screwed up and she laughed uproariously. Then I asked her to sing happy birthday to mom with me when mom came home from class.
Birthday's in our family have always been family afairs. With cake and presents and dinner out, but always a family afair. We like it that way.
However, I think that a 50th birthday ranks definitely higher in importance. So after making sure everything was ready for mom, and calling nonchalantly to see if she had made it off the train, I waited.
As I waited my sister calls and says that mom is really hurt that no one remembered her birthday. It turns out that so far no one had called her but my sister. Even Pop, who'd had to fly out early this AM, hadn't called. So Char let her know that I hadn't forgotten (very nearly ruining my surprise). And on her way home her Aunt from California called to wish her happy birthday. She loved the surprise. My sister and I sand her happy birthday (Char via speaker phone), and she loved the candles and cake. After my surprise she found a message from her Mom and Daddy wishing her happy birthday. Pop called too, at 12:15 am. And the next day she got a present from her in-laws and a card from her sister-in-law.
So even for a family who likes to celebrate birthdays in a small way, everyone should take note that being around for 50 years is a big deal!!

My Utmost...

I have been reading My Utmost for His Highest as my quickie devotional guide.
I don't always like the way Chambers states things, but overall it's good and sometimes even inspiring.

Like today...
On the disciples falling asleep in the Garden.
"Whenever we realize that we have not done that which we had great opportunity of doing, then we are apt to sink into despair; and Jesus Christ comes and says- 'Sleep on now, that opportunity is lost forever, you cannot alter it, but arise and go to the next thing.' Let the past sleep, but let it sleep on the bosom of Christ, and go out into the irrisistable future with Him.
...He came with a spiritual initiative against despair and said- 'Arise and do the next thing.' If we are inspired of God, what is the next thing? To trust Him absolutely and to pray... Never let the sense of failure currupt your new action."
Thank you God that you help us to break free from the past. Not dwelling in our failiing but moving on to walk with you.
God shook me out of my dwelling today!

Go Giants!!

What a great game! Yea!

I am an avid NFL fan. Granted I don't keep up with stats or names the way the guys do. But still I love the game. This season anybody and everybody who has played against the Pats has been my team. As the season took off I was against them because of that low-down, dirty Belichick; not only is he a cheat but he's also a poor sport winning, and now losing. Secondly, the more undefeated hype the Pats rustled up the more I didn't want to see them win. I have this rebellious streak a mile wide that demands I root for the underdog. Any team touted as 'the greatest' is one I'll cheer against. The loss that hurt the most had to be when the Pats beat the Eagles with backup quaterback AJ Feeley. Feeley showed no fear! It would have been the perfect underdog story come to life... if the Eagles had won.

On to the superbowl: Insert raucous yelling "Fall Flat Pats!!" It doesn't hurt matters that the Giants are backed by my home state (okay, resident state!) of New York. I went into this game chanting "it's possible, it's possible!" At least four other times this season that mantra failed in the last few minutes of the 4th quarter. This time with four minutes left Eli "Easy" Manning throws the winning touchdown to Plaxico Burress! We were all up and out of our seats whooping and hollering! It was awesome watching the game with avid NY fans and seeing what was just another possibility turn into reality.

No news is good news?

I think the saying "no news is good news" is BS. The waiting is what really kills you, not the answers. I seems no matter how much you pray and give things over to God, in odd moments worry and wonder stealthily attack. Waiting and worry combine to form a new kind of guerilla warfare. I lack focus and commitment to what I'm doing. When I have down time I need a distraction to keep me from dwelling. You don't even realize you've started worrying, and then you're knee deep in the thick of it.
Finally, yesterday I found out. I will have to start my clinical nursing rotation next semester, instead of this one. A seemingly insignificant mistake on my part combined with lousy timed short-staffing problems led to this outcome. I am still in the nursing program, but I am bummed.
I had been waiting, and pretending not to hope that everything would work out well, for the last week. Outwardly the pragmatist, while a part of me was hiding in a closet, lighting the candle of hope.
Maybe with practice one gets better at letting God be God. I hope so. Right now I'm tired, and I'm not quite ready to put on a happy face. I'll get there and I'll do what I need to do in the mean time. And maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to thank God for this soon.

Here we are again...

I find myself impatient. This is a theme of life! I am waiting to find out if I can get a seat in the nursing classes I need for this semester. The waiting is taxing. In every escaping moment I find myself wondering. I hate that!
One would think that over the last few years I would have learned something about waiting, patience and trials. And I have, but sometimes one wonders what you should ask of God and yourself in these times. I wonder, do you?
There is comfort however:
God is ever present!
Life and I will go on no matter what the outcome!
God will work this situation for my betterment!
I will learn, if not spiritually significant lessons than, critical common sense lessons!

I can only hope to one day live the courageous prayer of Sir Francis Drake:
...That I might venture on to wilder seas
Where storms will show God's mastery;
That I might lose sight of land,
And find instead the stars.
That I might ask of God that he would push back
The horizons of my hopes...

We'll see...

Regret

Recently I found my way back to the God I once knew.

As I age, I design a battlement around myself; my soul, my happiness. I try not to feel or give as greatly as I did when I was a naive kid. I hug less, I offer to pray with strangers less. I just stopped being the little "sunny" girl I once was. That little optimistic, faithful kid got tired of the knocks and the belittling smiles. She got tired of the disappointments and the rejections. Those looks that said, "Oh, to have such a simple faith."

I can never go back and be that kid. But I rediscovered the trust and knowledge that God is with me. The hope I once had is still tenuous. Its there, the once brave flame is not quite as bright, but is not extinguished.

I may never again be that "sunny" girl, but I can grip the God I love with both hands and be a woman who lives my "simple" faith out loud, with little care for recrimination or looks of condescension.

Hourly I remind myself that God is here, is present and at hand. Hourly I must remind myself, because I still try and protect myself even from God. Hourly I try and wrench control of my life. Hourly I worry and fume and anger seeps from my pores. So- hourly my soul chants "He hears me; He sees me; 'I am my Beloved's and He is mine.'"
I live a life with no regret. I cannot regret what makes me who I am. I cannot regret what brought me to this place of flickering faith. I will not regret.

Fear

Change can leave you afraid. I don't know what I fear, the unknown? Failure? But I have been afraid these last days. Afraid to take that next step. To commit to the future. I have been praying... but still afraid.
But, somehow, today I am not afraid. There have been hard times in my life, as in everyone's. But in all honesty I haven't ever had to sustain determination for any real length of time. I've rarely had to invest and not be sure of the dividends. I haven't tried that hard. Here in front of me is a goal. The goal, I know it. And it looks to take a substantial amount of time, mostly uphill and mostly difficult. I will be 32 when I finish PT school. It feels like I am starting over again.
Fear espouses doubt and this sense of never...
Never finishing, never really being able, never being, never, never. Fear is the enemy of gratitude. It is the enemy of hope, it is the enemy of productive individuals everywhere.
SO, Let's rise up! There will be no fear today, there will be appreciation of those who support us, there will be accomplishment, there will be an embarking. Steps will be taken TODAY! Hope came home today! And fear has run the other way!

Hope came home
Home to me today
And fear has run the other way
And words are weak
You don't know how to say
You know I still believe in you
And should my dreams fall through
I will be safe with you
And with every breath I can breathe
I'll sing about how you love me
I'll sing about how you love me

Gotta love BEBO!!

To Catch Up...

I quit me second job a couple of weeks earlier than I thought... I realized I didn't have to put up with the chauvinists I worked with. My replacement already knew more than me about accounting anyway, so I put in notice and did a little dance in the office kitchen!!
I preached my first sermon and Chris said (and I quote) "I nailed it!!" I think it went well; I had two good teachers: my Pop and Chris, so who would expect less. It was an awesome experience, very humbling. There is so much more to say about that, but some other time.
I did music for VBS... so funny, the kids were hilarious!! I think anyone who works for a church or maybe even those who just work a VBS come to hate it... ok maybe hate is a strong word but it is definitely a burden. But somehow this time it was sweeter... maybe because it's my last here, or maybe its because I got to teach music rather than an actual class. Either way I actually had fun, I liked being with the kids.
We just got back from Children's Passport Camp in Huntsville... it was so good. The kids had a great time and I met some awesome people. I love camp for that reason... the connections you make, the people you get to be with and the kids who are with you. It is taxing by the weeks end trying not to bite their heads off when they ask the millionth question of the day... but all in all a really good experience.
So now here I am weepy all the time, realizing that I am truly leaving. Leaving this place that has become my hometown. This place where I know someone on every block, know that most of the people here would give me the shirt off their backs if I needed it. I leave my loved ones, my family for the last two years, and I leave the place where little Dani finally grew up. Danielle leaves here a wiser and stronger person. I wasn't born here but I grew up here. I've never really had a hometown before. When asked where I grew up, I would always say "oh, lots of places in Texas." Now I have a different answer. Eagle Lake- and it tears a piece of my heart out to leave it. I know that this move is good, and look forward to the newness thats coming. My parents and my future await me in NY. My birthday is Friday... I realized that this year is one of the first that I haven't looked back and thought, by this time I thought I would be such-and-such, and so-and-so. I am not sure what that means, but I am glad for it. At camp I remember telling the CBF missionary that we Christians are bread crumb people. We never get the whole loaf, but just like Hansel and Gretel make our way home a crumb at a time. I like that. I can handle the crumbs...
My going away party is this Sunday... more than anything I want my people, my church, to know how much they mean to me. I continually thank God for that entire he has given me here... and in that know that he does have good for me elsewhere, too.
I have a garage sale this Saturday...if you think of it say a little organizational prayer for me. I can use it.

Now you're caught up!!

Oh Absalom

The other day my pastor and I were discussing why we have bible study, specifically character studies. We have just completed the life of David, and are now embarking on the disciples. My assertion was that we need to know that there are people like Andrew among the twelve closest to Jesus, and that there existed this misguided son of David named Absalom. We need to find ourselves in each. We cannot only say “I am more like Andrew,” or “I am Peter” without saying “I am Absalom.”
Andrew brought people face to face with Christ. He followed the eternally cool John the Baptist, faithfully and sincerely. He followed to such a degree that when the true teacher was pointed out Andrew lost no time in following. This humble brother of the outspoken Peter was counted among the men that Christ chose as his posse. We need to find ourselves in this simplicity, and humility.
Peter… what more needs to be said? He was the outspoken disciple, who the Holy Spirit used to proclaim Christ as the Son of God. He was an overzealous man, whose love for Christ spurred him to action without thinking or listening first. We need to be deeply in love with Christ, finding ourselves the mouthpiece of the Spirit and allowing our actions to speak of that love.
We must also love the Absalom in ourselves. When I was younger, my Pop would take my long hair in his hands and shake it like reins on a horse, saying “Oh, Absalom.” I remember relating this to a lady in the church and she looking at me with a stricken expression. Possibly she thought that wasn’t a particularly nice thing for a father to say to his daughter? “Oh- You rebellious much loved child, who will eventually come to ruin by taking over a kingdom not your own and getting your hair stuck in a tree.” Maybe she has a point. But I think the real problem was even less complicated. Papa was identifying me with the villain, the bad guy.
She did not see in Absalom a young rebellious man, who was loved by many. She did not see the just intentions in his heart as he carried out his ill-conceived plan to avenge his sister. She did not see the love the father had for his son, nor could she undertand the seperation. A love so great that in the face of complete and utter rebellion, complete and utter rejection, David still asks for mercy for his son. She did not see herself in Absalom.
I do. I remember all the times my intentions were good and the actions a mess. I know when I separate myself from God my judgment turns destructive and self-gratifying. I can see myself hanging from my pride in a tree, exposing myself to painful consequences. I see myself the much loved daughter of parents close to the heart of God; parents who mourn for me in situations where my rebelliousness or pride makes life that much harder. I see me in Absalom and I see something redemptive in him.

Are there true bad guys in the Bible? Possibly... absolutely. But aren't we sometimes the bad guys, too?

"The king was shaken. He went up to the room over the gateway and wept. As he went, he said: "O my son Absalom! My son, my son Absalom! If only I had died instead of you— O Absalom, my son, my son!" 2 Samuel 18:33

Amazed

I was out of town catching up with a friend. Amazed was the buzz word that day in the Sunday service. As I sat in a church not my own, hearing a pastor not my own, worshipping, an understanding of the wonder I was witness to spread through me.
Wonder that being in church today was oh-so voluntary. That I chose to be here no paycheck, no obligation involved.
Wonder at the depth of love one person can have for another.
Wonder at the ease of friendship restored.
Wonder in the beauty of laughter and the freedom of fun.
All weekend I felt so blessed to be in the presence of this beloved friend. To talk together, just be with her and simply witness her life. That was wonder and amazement.
Her life is a gift. A gift in the living and healing. A gift in the friendship. And God allowed me to be a witness; to partake. She: Plucked up and out, into the hands of God. Held, as a rare and precious thing. And I: Allowed to stand close and see; Catch the reflection of His firelight and love as it dances through this precious woman.
The love of God- the wonder; the knowledge of that love- the amazement. I thank you! I rejoice in you! The God of life. The God of wonder. The God in smiles and tears. The God of the broken, the Healer. The God of my friend.

Good Friday

On this day you stand in the face of the cross and you do not look away. You cannot look away from the cross on which Love died. You cannot be a coward— you must look at it, experience it, as Christ did. You must confront the blood and the body, the cross. Together we do this.

We approach the cross as one and leave the cross as a brotherhood. I see Chris take the bread between his hands and lift it, an offering. He breaks it. Dawning shivers through me. Christ broken for you. He takes the cup, and the bread is soaked red. Christ’s blood poured out for you. Do this in remembrance of me. Eyes look to the cross; they see the suffering, the end.
We come forward to dip the body into the blood, to partake. An elderly woman comes forward to receive. She breaks off a piece of the bread and carries it dripping-red in her hands, to a church member unable to come forward. What beauty!

That is what we do, we who bear the name of Christ. We carry our Christ before us, with his blood dripping onto our hands, and say to our brother “take, eat and be filled.”