Conditioning

I have been with people, friends, family etc, every weekend pretty much continually for the last four or more weekends. It has been wonderful! But there is something negative that I had forgotten about when you are around people so much. You start to feel alone, when you are alone.
I know that sounds redundant. But I prior to this month of visitation I was a girl perfectly happy to go to the movies, dinner, shopping or what have you alone. And now I very nearly needed someone to accompany me on a shopping expedition this last Saturday. It was a close call... and even though I shopped alone, I must confess I met a girlfriend from work for dinner.
But it was Sunday, after church, when I realized that I had almost started to regress to a time when I had first moved to Eagle Lake. I remember that long journey conditioning myself to like the sound of my own silence. In fact before this last month I had come to rather enjoy my own company.
Sundays after church can be one of the lonliest times for a person. It is a time that for me is very connected to family and friends. All of my life you were supposed to be with people on Sundays. And most of the time I am.
But this past Sunday I found the silence of my little house empty. I had just decided to throw a big pity party for myself when I was reminded of something important. Something gounded in a reality I needed to come to grips with. I don't have to be with people to know I am loved. A large part of my new sense of being an adult comes from this realization and this sense of self-value where one can be loved in absentia... "Ahhh, zis is true" says the little German psychologist in my head.
You should know I am fine. Its just so odd, how you can regress so easily to need something that is honestly not even a real need. Just a comfort or conditioned response to being alone. We people, we're a funny lot.