Spring Break Happy Thoughts

Pictures at the nursing home
Charity
Phase-Ten with my Sister
Losing… and winning
Measuring faces
Jessica
Seeing Kate
Me and Jess @ Sara's
Nic & Krystal
Sable and Samson
Broken puppies
Arkansas
Jack
Story time
Auntie Dani
Seeing the new house, new church and new baby
Being at 'Church'
Chris and Jess
Learning more about love and friendship
Hearing truth
Navigating
Being more appreciative
Tyler
Nic
Good Friday
the Greenhouse
Claw-foot tubs
Dallas
Snow in Texas
'my' red sweater
Ft. Worth
Winged buffalo smoking
Jessica
Fajitas
Nacogdoches
My Sister
Movies
Scrabble and cards with the Castles
Laughter
Table troubles
Walking the Big Dam Bridge
Krystal
Pancakes
Bluebonnets
Driving
Big sky
Boundaries
Baptisms
Day Spring
Laughing
Talking
Talking
Talking

Where I'm at.

Where am I?
I'm still trying to figure it out.I think that might be a theme for my life.I start nursing school (fingers crossed) in Feb. It will be an Associates degree in nursing. That should only take me through the summer of 2008 to finish. I'm putting off the PT thing. I need to be a nurse first. Then I can work and save to move to the ideal locale of Seattle. God knows I can't stay in NY.I come to like it a little more each day. A miniscule, a little more.It's not friendly, and I need socialization, community.I'm taking steps. I am going to a church I like. Will eventually join. Then I will also be a part of the weekly home groups. That should give me an anchor, a community. Because unlike most churches I have been to, no one wants to talk. They come to learn and be fed to praise God. Not- to visit and get to know those around them. That would be eegads- southern.
New Yorkers are autonomous. They don't look outside themselves if they can help it. No wonder crime here has no witness. No one looks around to try and help.So I'm still me- taking the Dog to the park, taking my mom to work, cooking, shopping etc for the fam. Cleaning the house. Reading. little odds and ends that help break up the monotony.I am trying to be more grateful. To see the beauty in the moments, as a friend once said. And to break the habits I have reverted too since moving home. Those adolescent, I-don't-know-who-I-am habits that make rebellion the first course of action.
I do know who I am and I need to grab that girl and shake her from time to time. God bless.

Being

"Fear not for the future, weep not for the past." ~

Percy Bysshe Shelley

Right now I am just being. I go jogging with Rollo and mom. I weed the front yard (more like a big flower bed). Eventually I'll replace some of the tiles in the bathroom. I do laundry and buy groceries. I help my mom out with some of her lesson plans. Keep the house clean and cook a few times a week. I play fetch, and wrestle with Rollo. This weekend we're sanding and staining the entry way steps, and retiling the landing. I help out where needed. There isn't a real time crunch about much but my days fill up. I'm not up to a whole lot and I have to say it's nice. I start more hardcore classes next semester and yet I don't feel pressured. Maybe it's knowing that the road ahead is just that ahead. I've decided to stop looking back and wishing I had done things differently, done school differently. I am thankful for the path that brought me here, and I look forward to what lies ahead.

La vie en vie, et aimer.
Live life, and love.

Fear

Change can leave you afraid. I don't know what I fear, the unknown? Failure? But I have been afraid these last days. Afraid to take that next step. To commit to the future. I have been praying... but still afraid.
But, somehow, today I am not afraid. There have been hard times in my life, as in everyone's. But in all honesty I haven't ever had to sustain determination for any real length of time. I've rarely had to invest and not be sure of the dividends. I haven't tried that hard. Here in front of me is a goal. The goal, I know it. And it looks to take a substantial amount of time, mostly uphill and mostly difficult. I will be 32 when I finish PT school. It feels like I am starting over again.
Fear espouses doubt and this sense of never...
Never finishing, never really being able, never being, never, never. Fear is the enemy of gratitude. It is the enemy of hope, it is the enemy of productive individuals everywhere.
SO, Let's rise up! There will be no fear today, there will be appreciation of those who support us, there will be accomplishment, there will be an embarking. Steps will be taken TODAY! Hope came home today! And fear has run the other way!

Hope came home
Home to me today
And fear has run the other way
And words are weak
You don't know how to say
You know I still believe in you
And should my dreams fall through
I will be safe with you
And with every breath I can breathe
I'll sing about how you love me
I'll sing about how you love me

Gotta love BEBO!!

Looking around...

Every place I have lived (save for the Golden Triangle) I have found something good: the weather, the people, or the experience. Something along those lines that makes is special, redeemable.

Here in Brooklyn...
I love being with my family, though I fight many, many pride issues trying hard not to fall into patterns of the "child." My parents have been great. But they will always be the parents and I the child, even if I am an adult.
The weather is wonderful, much cooler than the Texas heat. Although the humidity isn't that much different from the Houston area. We live a mile or so from the water. So fun.
It's dirty. Not filthy or anything just normal city dirty. One morning I took the dog out and forgot to put on my shoes. I was walking on the sidewalk, (which I have done in every other town I've lived in) when this woman walked by and made a "that's so gross" face at me. I looked around at the ground and thought she's right. I washed my feet thoroughly.
In the South most of us are taught to be polite. If you make eye contact in Texas you smile and say "hi." One of the first times I walked the dog here, lots of people were out on their stoops and me being me, I said "hi" and smiled to each person. And in almost every case the response I got was a look of either surprise or indifference. At the store I said "hi" to the checkout girl and said "thank you" when she handed me my change. Needless to say she looked at me as if I was an odd duck. It's laughable. Sincerely.

One really cool thing is the neighborhoods. They are real neighborhoods. My parents know there neighbors and their lineage. Both are Italian and our landlord's mother (a little Chinese lady whom my parents dubbed "Grandma") lives down stairs. She doesn't speak English, but she is always trying to communicate. A little sign language and good inflection and we sometimes understand each other (I think). It's a heavily Asian and Russian-Jewish community around us. I walked Rollo on Friday and heard the words of the Kiddush. I saw this family gathered around the table, sharing in the observation of a lineage of faith. It was so cool. The diversity is just so beautiful.
It's not the South, with its openness and warmth. But its home for now, and it's special.

A Quickie....

I made it!! After 27 hours of driving (19 of that in two days time) I am in New York. Needless to say the next time I get behind the wheel will be too soon. I start nursing school on September 7th, I am totally stoked!
Well, we are off to visit family in Wa. state tomorrow. So, I had better go and finish packing. I am officially the weary traveler! Love and God bless.

To Catch Up...

I quit me second job a couple of weeks earlier than I thought... I realized I didn't have to put up with the chauvinists I worked with. My replacement already knew more than me about accounting anyway, so I put in notice and did a little dance in the office kitchen!!
I preached my first sermon and Chris said (and I quote) "I nailed it!!" I think it went well; I had two good teachers: my Pop and Chris, so who would expect less. It was an awesome experience, very humbling. There is so much more to say about that, but some other time.
I did music for VBS... so funny, the kids were hilarious!! I think anyone who works for a church or maybe even those who just work a VBS come to hate it... ok maybe hate is a strong word but it is definitely a burden. But somehow this time it was sweeter... maybe because it's my last here, or maybe its because I got to teach music rather than an actual class. Either way I actually had fun, I liked being with the kids.
We just got back from Children's Passport Camp in Huntsville... it was so good. The kids had a great time and I met some awesome people. I love camp for that reason... the connections you make, the people you get to be with and the kids who are with you. It is taxing by the weeks end trying not to bite their heads off when they ask the millionth question of the day... but all in all a really good experience.
So now here I am weepy all the time, realizing that I am truly leaving. Leaving this place that has become my hometown. This place where I know someone on every block, know that most of the people here would give me the shirt off their backs if I needed it. I leave my loved ones, my family for the last two years, and I leave the place where little Dani finally grew up. Danielle leaves here a wiser and stronger person. I wasn't born here but I grew up here. I've never really had a hometown before. When asked where I grew up, I would always say "oh, lots of places in Texas." Now I have a different answer. Eagle Lake- and it tears a piece of my heart out to leave it. I know that this move is good, and look forward to the newness thats coming. My parents and my future await me in NY. My birthday is Friday... I realized that this year is one of the first that I haven't looked back and thought, by this time I thought I would be such-and-such, and so-and-so. I am not sure what that means, but I am glad for it. At camp I remember telling the CBF missionary that we Christians are bread crumb people. We never get the whole loaf, but just like Hansel and Gretel make our way home a crumb at a time. I like that. I can handle the crumbs...
My going away party is this Sunday... more than anything I want my people, my church, to know how much they mean to me. I continually thank God for that entire he has given me here... and in that know that he does have good for me elsewhere, too.
I have a garage sale this Saturday...if you think of it say a little organizational prayer for me. I can use it.

Now you're caught up!!